Yes, hello. Did you want something? We're not open yet. My barman's at the bank and I haven't got my lippy on, so just hold your fire and we'll be open in about twenty minutes.

They either think this is a public house and I'm a public servant, or that this is a public convenience. I mean, when I open the doors at eleven o'clock it's only ever the poo run for the first hour. So no wonder I'm surly...

  Pub Cats I Have Known
  Roxy and the Cranium Club
  A Fanfare for Roxy's Convenience


The Dumb Waiter